


I'm here

by Sorry_im_trash



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Cliche, Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 21:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12779439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorry_im_trash/pseuds/Sorry_im_trash
Summary: One tends to worry when they are doomed to love a brilliant but recless maniac(set somewhere before s01e09)





	I'm here

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh this is Bad but uhhh Hugh Culber is the love of my life and I love being sad

Hugh Culber was kind. Hugh Culber was compassionate. Hugh Culber loved his job because it let him help others.

Hugh Culber wanted people to look at him and think wow, that man is a good person. Hugh Culber wanted to know things, he wanted to understand, he wanted to be appreciated, he wanted to success with his career. But he also wanted to love, he wanted to have a heart.

But sometimes having a heart meant being in pain.

Because Hugh Culber wanted a lot of things, but most importantly he wanted his husband to be safe and happy and with him, he was ready to do whatever he had to to keep his lover protected. But in midst of a war his options were quite limited. 

That didn’t stop his worrying heart though. That didn’t stop him from waking up at four am standard time, gasping for air, covered in cold sweat, only to see his husband sleeping soundly next to him. On the third night that happened in a row he didn’t even try to fall back asleep anymore. He knew now that if he wanted to detach himself from the gnawing worry and suffocating anxiety during the day when he had shifts at the bay, his brain and his heart would make him act out his fears during the night.

Hugh pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and took slow breaths. Right now Paul was okay. Right now there was nothing he could do to stop this stupid war. Paul wasn’t dead or captured, he wasn’t being tortured by the klingons, he wasn’t dying in the spore chamber. 

He felt the tears before they fell, their burning behind his eyes. There was nothing he could do to stop his brilliant scientist who was ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He felt his breath coming in too quick and too loud. He didn’t want to wake Paul up, not now that he had finally sleeping, finally seemed calm enough to close his eyes, but he couldn’t stop crying now that he’d started.

Hugh wanted a lot of things, but right at that moment he wanted nothing more than to take his husband’s hand, steal a shuttle and fly to some nice, reserved planet where they could live calm lives away from all this fear and danger and uncertainty. 

“Hugh? What’s going on? Computer, lights”.

Hugh wanted to curse. He’d waken up Paul with his dumb crying.

“Hugh, honey, what’s going on?”

Hugh felt like screaming. “What’s going on”?? The fucking war. The stupid spore drive that Paul was subjecting himself to over and over again. The fear of a crew waiting to get ambushed and killed at any second that swept through the whole ship. The desperation of a captain who couldn’t play by the rules anymore.

“Hold me, please,” he asked instead, unable to voice his thoughts. Immediately Paul shuffled closer, wrapping his arms around Hugh who buried his face to Paul’s chest, clinging to the pale man’s nightshirt like it was a lifeboat. And in a way it was. On the other side was Hugh, clinging to his husband, doing his best to keep his head above water. On the other side was most of the known universe who needed Paul’s help. And Hugh could never make Paul choose him over everything else, would never blame Paul for choosing saving the world. So he did what he could, he held on tight and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He heard Paul’s voice, trying to talk him down, calm whispers and false promises of everything being alright. 

After what to Hugh felt both like way too long and not nearly enough he got his breathing under control and the tears ceased. Paul moved so they could look at each other but Hugh would still be held.

“Are you alright?” Paul asked again. Hugh felt embarrassed about his outburst and just nodded. 

“I’m going to get you a glass of water,” Paul said and made a move to get up, but Hugh grabbed his sleeve.

“Please,” was all he could say. Please don’t leave me here. Please don’t go. Please take care of yourself. Please I can't do this without you. Please I love you.

Paul just nodded and laid back down. He wiped off what was left of Hugh’s tears and asked the computer to lower the lights.

“I’m here,” the scientist promised, wrapping his arms around Hugh. “I’m here.”

**Author's Note:**

> An alternative title: "Hug(h) Culber (pls)" 
> 
> I'm sorry that the start is so bad that's what happens when u write just after a nightmare and never edit anything ever


End file.
